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James Blunt is the helium voiced, Jagger lipped balladeer who burst onto the scene in 2005 with your mom's favorite song, "You're Beautiful." Once his career took off, Blunt could be found every time you turned on your fucking radio or television, including on such rawk ready shows as Oprah and Sesame Street, where he sang a reworked version of "You're Beautiful" called "Triangles." Jesus tapdancing Christ. albums chart. This helped unseat Coldplay's X from the pole position, a fact we only mention because those last few words manage to make James Blunt and Coldplay sound even gayer. In short, James Blunt is the kind of guy you'd probably like to punch clean in the face. If he walked into the room, the only thing stopping you would probably be a sense of pity, and possibly the fear of doing some sort of lasting damage to his delicate, child like frame.

Have you ever driven a tank? James Blunt has. Before launching a career in leprechaun troubadourism, James Blunt served as a captain in the British Army. Granted, it's the British Army, but you can bet your ass that the training required to make captain involves learning several techniques that would see to it that he could whoop your ass six ways to Sunday before you land a single womanly slap.

To make matters worse (for you), during the war in Kosovo Blunt was put in charge of leading 30,000 troops into the Kosovan capital. So not only could he fuck you up proper, he's the type of dude that people put in charge of ordering around tens of thousands of other men fully capable of doing the same. It should go without saying he leaves a trail of vanquished supermodels in his wake wherever he goes.

"The Celtic Tiger," his most recent show, explores the struggles Ireland faced as it grew as a nation hellbent on overcoming its oppressors. It explores these issues through the power of gay as all hell tap dancing performed in unison. In 1998, Flatley made the Guinness Book of World Records when he achieved an astounding 35 taps per second, a record later broken by some dude named James Devine. Well, fine, try topping this James: In September, 2000, the Sorbonne in Paris awarded Flatley their prestigious . um . "Coq Flambee" award.

According to Wikipedia, this is vaguely described as being awarded for "his commitment to furthering Franco Irish relations." And just when you think it can't get any gayer, Mike has to go and start playing the flute. Yep, Michael Flatley is an acclaimed flautist with three albums to his credit. What a pussy, right?

Wrong. For you, Michael Flatley is an embarrassing ass beating waiting to happen. With all of the prancing about and flute playing, you might expect him to have been raised by Hobbits. It's misconceptions like this that will have you lying unconscious in a mosaic of your own teeth and blood should you ever see him in public and decide to engage in a little sissy boy taunting.

Michael Flatley actually grew up far from Middle Earth, on the South Side of Chicago. Tripping the life dancetastic while growing up in one of the most notoriously blue collar sections of America suggests an "I don't give a fuck" attitude. That attitude probably comes with the comfort of knowing that, if questioned, he always has those years of training as a boxer to fall back on. Shit, we should've mentioned that earlier. In between flute lessons and ascending to the very heights of "River Dance" dominance, Michael Flatley found the time to win a Golden Gloves boxing championship in 1975.

Not only is Michael Flatley The Lord of the Dance, he's also the Lord of the Ring. If dude can tap his feet 35 times in 60 seconds, it's a pretty safe bet he can drill you in your unsuspecting face at least half that many times in the same minute. Probably while impressing your girlfriend with his fancy boy dance moves.

Mark Harmon is the pretty boy actor who first made his name as Dr. Bobby Caldwell for three seasons on the NBC denver broncos white jersey drama St. Elsewhere. In the type of logical, well crafted script writing that was a cornerstone of the show (see the "it was all in the autistic kid's head" finale), Harmon's character went from caring, compassionate surgeon in seasons one and two to obnoxious, womanizing, AIDS inflicted Sport Shop for Cheap Houston Texans Gears and Jerseys sleaze ball in season three. This was 1985, a time when a lot of the world still considered AIDS "the gay disease." Luckily for a lot of the world and their misconceptions, Harmon looked like this at the time.

After leaving the show, Harmon briefly took a trip down Awesome Street to play Mr. Freddy Shoop in the '80s film classic Summer School. Soon after that, though, it was back to wussy bullshit you've never seen like something called Flamingo Road. Since 2003, Harmon has starred on the CBS drama NCIS in the lead role of Leroy Jethro Gibbs, a role clearly written for a 1930s delta blues musician, but for some reason given to the goofy dipshit from St. Elsewhere instead.

In 1972, the UCLA Bruins football team, who had gone 2 8 the season before, faced top ranked, two time defending National Champion Nebraska in their season opener. All involved parties expected the Bruins to function as an appetizer for the defending champs. Forty eight minutes later, Nebraska's 32 game winning streak had ended and the UCLA Bruins had pulled off one of the biggest upsets in college football history. It was led by a freshman quarterback starting his first game ever . the fucking stud from St. Elsewhere.

Mark Harmon went on to play two more seasons as the starting quarterback at UCLA, a school he opted to attend only after turning down offers from college football powerhouses University of Michigan and University of Oklahoma, which probably worked out in the long run since Oklahoma's film industry has been lagging lately.

Also, you know the above picture of Harmon wearing a Cliff Clavin disguise? That role directly led to Harmon being voted People Magazine's "Sexiest Man Alive" in 1986.

This is proof that it's impossible to overestimate Tom Selleck's influence on what was considered cool in the '80s, and that before it was all said and done, Mark Harmon probably scorched a pretty wide canyon in the lush and ample landscape of Southern California pussy. between 1972 and 1986, it's a mathematical certainty she tried to fuck Mark Harmon at least once.

Wilmer Valderrama made his name playing Fez, the dark alley beating worthy, foreign exchange student of indeterminate descent for eight goddamned seasons on That '70s Show. In real life, well, not much different. After moving to the United States at the age of 13, Valderrama quickly picked up English in part by watching episodes of I Love Lucy. Badass! It was said in one teen magazine that Rob Thomas of MATCHBOX TWENTY helped him learn English, also. Whether it was in person or through the magic of his songs isn't specified, but either way, that manages to out pussy I Love Lucy reruns.

Aside from That '70s Show, Valderrama hosted Yo Momma, an MTV show so offensively bad it actually becomes surreal if you manage to look directly at the TV screen for more than 60 seconds.

He's also been victimized on "best friend" Ashton Kutcher's MTV show Punk'd a whopping three times. That's a record folks!

In a word, chicks. Lots and lots of chicks. It's not unusual for the occasional Hollywood doofus to land a smokin' hot young starlet seemingly millions of light years out of his league. It happens all the time. But over the past decade, Wilmer Valderrama has put together a string of conquests that would make even the most hardened cocksman flaccid with envy.

A certified friggin' sex machine, on a 2006 appearance on the the Howard Stern Show, Fez went into detail about his time spent nailing hookers as a youth in Venezuela, his time spent nailing hot actresses as an asshole in Hollywood, and his reportedly 8 plus inch wang.

We'd venture a guess that no sport in the world incites more multilingual shouts of "look at that fucking queer!" then male figure skating. With the graceful, flowing choreography, raging Wholesale Kids and Youth Seattle Seahawks Jerseys crotch bulges and costumes that look like they were designed for Tina Turner in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, it's hard to fathom a heterosexual male seeing another guy figure skating and saying, "Yes, I want to do that!"

In this world of questionable sexuality, Elvis Stojko is probably as good as anyone else. We really don't know enough about male figure skating to tell you for sure either way. Let's see, according to Wikipedia, he was the first male to land a quadruple double jump combo. Awesome, we guess. In 1994, he won his first world championship at Chiba, Japan while skating to, wait, is this right? While skating to Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story. Nice!

In 1995, he won his second world championship skating on a not fully healed broken ankle and landing a triple lutz, triple toe loop combination in the free skate event. Hmmm, the broken ankle thing is cool, and triple toe loop would be cool if they called it what it is: a 1080. At the 1997 Grand Prix finals, while skating to the Dragonheart soundtrack, he became the first man ever to land a quadruple triple combination. Shit, he sounds pretty alright . for, ahem, someone who is obviously such a total pussy.

Looks like there's one more section to his Wikipedia entry. Martial arts? Oh, holy shit! Elvis Stojko is trained in karate and received a black belt at the age of 16. We could summarize what happened next, but really the facts are so badass that quoting directly from Wikipedia is better than anything we could come up with. After getting a black belt in plane old karate, Elvis felt "he needed . to find a style that would truly fit him (and) ended up meeting Sifu Glen Doyle, a three time Canadian Kung Fu Champion . Sifu Doyle's style of kung fu 'Hung Gar' was for combat and not flash and that is what caught Elvis' eye."

So, not content with just learning plain old karate, Elvis wanted something a little more applicable to ass kicking. Why would a figure skater ever need to fuck someone up? We like to imagine Stojko spends his free time cruising the frozen lakes of Canada until he finds a hockey game, straps on a pair of ice skates and practices his triple toe loops in hopes of drawing some taunts. And when those taunts come, let the combat begin!

In the late '80s, MC Hammer made the world a less awesome place for just about everybody with the release of the album Please Hammer, Don't Hurt 'Em. With the album's first single, "U Can't Touch This," MC Hammer took what had previously been a form of music embraced almost exclusively by badasses and pimps and catapulted it into the shopping malls. Had this been accomplished by someone like Rakim or Big Daddy Kane, you might be wearing an eye patch and drinking out of a bejeweled goblet right now. Instead, mainstream America's first exposure to rap came in the form of a smiley song and dance man in shiny clown pants, giving most white people the impression that good hip hop is just a catchy beat, and a willingness to dance once the cameras roll. Apparently that impression stuck and 20 years later, we get to hear "Crank That (Soulja Boy)" 10 times a day and could probably do the damn dance if some sadistic bastard put a gun to our head.

If we told a fat joke at your mother's expense what would you do about it? Probably nothing. If you were MC Hammer though, you would most likely get on the phone with a gang leader and put out a hit on our life. That's exactly what he allegedly did in 1990 after white rap duo 3rd Bass repeatedly dissed him on their debut LP The Cactus Album. In particular, the line "the cactus turned Hammer's mother out" prompted Hammer to put a $60,000 hit out with one of the biggest gangs in Los Angeles.

Thats right, the man spent the 1990 equivalent of two Lexuses to avenge a phrase that sounds like random words being read off a Scrabble board. We'd always heard he liked to spend money, but we had no idea how very little MC Hammer fucks around when it comes to his mother.
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This annoying as all get out little ditty from Bryan Adams' Reckless album has been a staple of wedding dances for over two decades now. And it's no wonder, people love to reminisce on days gone by when life was simpler and anything seemed possible. But what exactly is Bryan Adams reminiscing about?

It seems straightforward enough. He bought a guitar, played it until his fingers bled, started a band, the band broke houston texans fan shop up because Bryan Adams blows, he met a chick, she didn't realize he was going to grow up to be Bryan Adams so she made out with him. Those were the best days of his life, and ours, because we hadn't heard that song from the Robin Hood soundtrack yet.

Some people speculate that Adams may be singing about, um, something else. Here's a hint, complete this sentence . "Wine me, dine me, __ me." Still not getting it? Fine, some people think he may be singing about oral sex. Just what we like to think about when it comes to Bryan Adams.

And as you'll notice in a few of the songs on this list, the dirty, double meaning that sounds like it was thought up by a horny 12 year old often turns out to be true. In an online interview, Adams said: "One thing people never got was that the song isn't about the year 1969. It's about making love, a la '69!" A la '69? What a dork. Then there's the interview with the Binghampton Press Sun Bulletin where Adams confirmed "the title comes from the idea of '69 as a metaphor for sex," confirming he has both a child's sense of humor and understanding of metaphors. Anyway, coming from the source itself, that seems pretty convincing. We're pretty sure Adams himself wouldn't even say that. There's also the fact that Adams didn't turn 10 until November of 1969, and we refuse to believe Bryan Adams was a cooler 9 year old than us.

Unfortunately, pretty much every single sign points to "Summer of '69" being another ill fated attempt by Bryan Adams to be edgy, like that time he dressed like Kurt Cobain for a year or so back in the '90s.

Kurt Cobain   awesome texans jerseys cheap = Bryan AdamsThe Rolling Stones "Angie"

With the possible exception of "Wild Horses," no Rolling Stones ballad is more beloved than "Angie." The mournful lyrics speak clearly of the sadness of love lost, which is strange coming from a guy who tends to sing songs like "Under My Thumb," where the lyrics suggest a relationship dynamic somewhere between groupie and sex slave.

But a popular rumor suggests that Mick may be singing about something far more disturbing than romantic heartbreak.

Some claim the "Angie" in the song is Angela, the now ex wife of David Bowie. Lending credence to that claim is that the former Mrs. Bowie herself is one of the ones making that claim. According to her, after returning home from a trip, she walked into her bedroom to find Bowie and Jagger in bed together. While their thin white dukes weren't in action at the time, they did just happen to be nude. And probably high, skinny to the point of borderline anorexia and, even in the post coital glow of dude loving, far more attractive to most chicks than any of us ever will be.

Yes, the song you've probably dedicated to your ex girlfriend is about the heartbreak someone else felt upon finding out you boned David Bowie.

While Jagger and Bowie understandably deny the incident ever happened, . Adding fuel to the fire, after she divorced Bowie she wrote a book and made a famous appearance on the Joan Rivers Show in which she reiterated her belief that Jagger and Bowie had indeed been having sex shortly before she walked in.

Now, Keith Richards does say he came up with the chord sequence and title a full year before the incident that allegedly inspired the song. It's not known where Richards snorting his father's ashes fits in that timeline, but it is widely speculated that Keith Richards' perception of the time space continuum is utterly fucked, even if he's not just fudging it to protect Jagger's reputation.

For the rest of us, there's the simple fact that around the time he got caught by a woman named Angela in bed with David Bowie, Mick Jagger wrote a song about the haunting, sad eyes of a girl named Angie. And then there's this picture, taken around that time.

L to R: David Bowie, sexual tension, Mick Jagger

"In the Air Tonight" stands alone as Phil Collins' sole flirtation with being awesome. With its spooky production and hammering drum patterns, the song pulled off the gargantuan feat of making television viewers believe Philip Michael Thomas and Don Johnson wearing pastel suits amidst mountains of cocaine was a plausible setting in which a crime other than forced sodomy could actually occur. It's no wonder that a song with that much force behind it would have an equally powerful back story attached to it.

It varies wildly depending on who you're talking to, but the most popular story behind the song, and the one awkwardly quoted by Eminem in the almost as popular "Stan," goes like this: As a kid, Collins witnessed a tragic incident in which a man drowned as another man who could have helped stood by and did nothing. Later, presumably through some form of leprechaun magic, Phil tracked the no good Samaritan down and arranged for him to be sitting in the front row of the concert where he debuted "In the Air Tonight," singing the song directly to the man who sat uncomfortably under a spotlight. Were it not for that one Genesis video that starred a Ronald Reagan puppet, this would qualify as the creepiest moment of Phil Collins' career.

Not a damned thing.

On the VH1 Classic series "Classic Albums," Collins explained that he made up the lyrics to "In the Air Tonight" in the studio, based on what he felt was appropriate for the vibe of the song. Yes, after all that, it turns out the song literally has less coherent meaning than "My Humps."Tom Petty "American Girl"

"American Girl," the first single from Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers' debut album, features the kind of enigmatic lyrics that send fans into fits searching for meaning. Apparently, Tom Petty fans are a morose bunch. According to an extremely popular story, Petty wrote the song about a University of Florida student who jumped to her death from the balcony of her dorm room.

It's an understandable conclusion if you take a look at some of the lyrics. Among the references that draw the attention of suicide song enthusiasts are "old 441" which is the name of the highway in Florida that runs past the dorm where the suicide allegedly occurred and "she stood alone, on the balcony" which is generally what people do shortly before hurling themselves off said balcony. Toss in the fact that Petty is Looking for Cheap Vikings Jerseys from China Online Shop from Gainesville where the University of Florida is located and what you have is one perfectly reasonable theory about the meaning of the song.

It's not true at all. In the book "Conversations With Tom Petty," the ugly stick beaten rocker set the story straight.

In his words, the story is an "urban legend" and was actually written while he was living in Encino, CA. The 441 in question refers to an expressway that ran outside the apartment he lived in at the time. And unlike the Jagger song, Petty has no reason whatsoever to lie since it pretty much makes the lyrics less cool than people want to believe they are.

But if it's any consolation, "Mary Jane's Last Dance" is totally about weed.

Well, one ungodly depressing theory suggests the song is about Don Henley. And if the image of a naked Don Henley flopping his manhood around with Stevie Nicks isn't enough, it gets worse.
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Keeping your bracelet from the chemicals is a have to, as well. If you are cleaning your pool or doing dishes, take the pandora charms black friday sale off and place it inside your jewelry box. Don't wear it from the pool or hot bathtub either, or while that you're cleaning, working out, or starting any outdoor activity. Is the bracelet gold, silver, and also leather? Leather bands require and take note love. You will need to keep it completely from the water, and look away for stretching. Avoid placing a lot of charms on the group. A good rule to go by is using lower than nine charms. While charm bracelets is usually worn as beautiful along with unique adornments, many wearers pick out themes to personalize his or her jewelry.
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It is not hard to put together a Pandora birthstone rings bracelet that is extremely unique and shows your loved one just how important she's. When you think regarding Jackie Onassis - an authentic style icon - people think of pure unadulterated glam. You believe of someone who believed her own style and who managed to successfully be fashion-forward and timeless all at a time. You can imagine the charm bracelet gently encircling Jackie's wrist, glittering and moving in relation to while she gracefully poses for the camera. Even if you are not Jackie O and have your special style going on, you are able to learn from her fashion cues.
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